A new day breaks. You rise, your head full of plans—the project(s) you’ll (hopefully) start, or (finally) finish: the new fitness routine that will (hopefully) get you into trim shape; that attic space you’ll (hopefully) clear up and reclaim for much-needed bookshelves; the invites you’ll send to a half-dozen good friends, setting a firm date (finally) for that informal drinks-and-chat get-together you’ve been talking about forever on Facebook. The morning’s sunny. The sky’s blue. It’s a day to savor and act!     

… By nightfall, you’re beating yourself up with all you had hoped to accomplish, but didn’t finish, or maybe didn’t even get to start. The water pipe in the basement broke and you spent the morning scrambling for a plumber. Then there was the incorrect medical bill that took ninety minutes to straighten out as you were bounced from one AI-powered bot to another—oh, for a real person to talk to! And when you started dinner, you realized you didn’t have the carrots the recipe required, so you took a quick run to the grocery, but that still devoured a half hour…

The day feels a failure. Like too many days perhaps. You woke up looking forward to the day. You fall asleep castigating yourself for not doing more.

We humans are very forward-looking creatures. Always making plans. Dreaming BIG. Certain we’re about to overcome those hurdles blocking our path. And just as easily shattered when those plans and dreams don’t materialize as expected. Trust me, I am writing about this because I know this struggle so well.   

Yes, it’s easy to look at all you haven’t done, but perhaps we might do better to pause regularly and consider everything we have accomplished.   

The Daily Check-Up

You planned to finish mulching the front and backs gardens today but you’ve used up the four bags of red cedar you bought last month, so you run out to the garden center to buy two more bags. Now, you don’t have the time to lay down the mulch. And it’s almost August!

You hoped to finish another chapter on the rough draft of your novel, but it turned out to involve more research than you expected, so by the time you did your googling, arranged your notes and jotted a rough outline, it was 3:30. Time to pick up the kids from school.

You were determined that today you would finally finish painting that dining room wall—the one that’s been sporting large swaths of mesh tape and joint compound since the carpenter repaired all those hairline cracks (“tired plaster” they call it—ah, the joys of an 1890s house!) …but that tooth that’s been signaling distress off and on the past two weeks? Today, distress turned to unignorable AGONY which led to an hour at the dentist, which led to an emergency root canal at the endodontist—an inconvenient half-hour drive from the dentist. Nothing got done.    

In each of these scenarios, you’re left feeling bummed. Nothing accomplished. But hold on a minute.

That’s not quite true.

In the case of your garden, you now have the mulch you need to control weeds, conserve ground moisture, prevent erosion, and—time saver!—reduce maintenance.

Regarding your novel, you can’t proceed on the writing until you do the research, and now you have! All systems go. That’s progress. And perhaps the research even inspired an idea for a new character, a wonderful, dastardly villainy-villain!

The plan to paint the dining room wall that was scrapped by the emergency root canal, yes that day is kaput. Over. But you can rest happy tonight knowing the tooth is taken care of—it won’t mess up tomorrow.

Gaining a Better Perspective: The Have-Done List 

We tend to set ourselves up for disappointment and distress by planning days that make no allowance for the frequent intrusions of real life. But life has always contained a large quantity of must-do-nows, can’t-avoid-any-longers, and oh crap! surprises. During the 1,500 years it took to build Stonehenge, surely there were numerous days when boggy weather put the kibosh on moving those gigantic Sarsen stones, via rolling logs, through the muck and mud.

Our dreams and projects must take into account the mundane and the unexpected. We do have to accept reality and go with the flow, but that doesn’t mean we have to drown in despair and frustration. 

Instead of focusing on what you didn’t accomplish on your wish list today, jot down—as you go—each thing you did achieve. A Have Done list. As with all projects, it’s the accrual that counts. That “tired plaster” repair I mentioned? That’s one from my own list. As I write, it’s a third-done (it actually involved three rooms, a hallway and a ceiling). It wasn’t a broken pipe or root canal that stopped me—temporarily. It was climate change. Painting in 95-degree weather, not advisable. But the temps are starting to cool now. I’ll soon be up on that step ladder, paintbrush in hand. Meanwhile, the world continues to spin. The sky hasn’t fallen in.

Tracking in real time the progress you make on each of your projects and goals sets you up for a sense of success and well-being at the annual reckoning.

The Annual Reckoning

This end-of-year review—and that year might run from June to June or September to September, whatever—is when you get a better sense of all you truly have accomplished despite the pesky disruptions of real life.

Remember that novel you were convinced would never get written? Now, the rough draft is long done and you’re well into the second revision. A final polish after that and you’re ready to write a synopsis and search for an agent. Or skip the agent and approach indie presses. Or self-publish. Or simply write another novel if that’s what makes you happy.  

Perhaps you updated and improved your resume this past year. Maybe started interviews for a job you hope will use more of your talents, challenge your creativity. You might even have found the perfect gig!

Possibly, you made all the arrangements for your dream trip and it’s about to happen—literally, you are going to circle the globe! New York to Italy where you’ll sail the canals of Venice in a gondola, visit the Sistine Chapel in Rome, and marvel at the art in Florence’s Uffizi Gallery before flying on to enjoy the beaches of Goa and the grandeur of the Taj Mahal in India. Then it’s off to Japan to see the shrines and temples of Kyoto and the Peace Memorial Park and Museum in Hiroshima, followed by a long weekend with old college friends in San Francisco before returning to the East Coast. You thought you’d never get it all put together—the flights, the accommodations—but you have. Bon vogage!

A year is a long time. Three-hundred and sixty-five days to make progress on those projects and dreams. That old trope—life is like a river, it just keeps moving—is true, so we must go with the flow. There’s really no deadline (other than the one nature finally imposes on us all). So, when you’re feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, put that distress on pause for a moment, step back, and consider all you have accomplished in life so far. 

The Tally of a Life So Far  

You artwork isn’t (yet) hanging in The Metropolitan Museum of Art or The National Gallery or The Louvre, but you’ve participated in dozens of local and regional shows, sold over a hundred paintings, and received some very positive reviews in the media.

You’ve taught first grade for a decade now, in which time more than 250 children learned to read and write because of your skill, dedication and patience. Thank you. America needs all the thoughtful, educated citizens it can get.  

You never had the time or money to get your law degree, but through your work as a paralegal for the ACLU, you’ve made vital contributions assisting attorneys in critical cases regarding voting rights, free speech and gender discrimination. You’ve helped to protect our constitutional rights and made life better for thousands, perhaps millions of your fellow human beings.

You haven’t (yet) found an agent for your novels, but literary magazines have grabbed up every short story you’ve submitted.

You raised a child, or two, or three. And given those children the belief that they are worth loving and the assurance that they are truly cherished. This is no small thing.

As I said upfront, we humans are a forward-looking bunch. Too often taking for granted all we’ve accomplished and focusing solely on what we haven’t yet achieved. But true perspective involves taking the long view. And those days when everything seems to conspire against your hopes and dreams? On those days, take a cue from songwriter/singer Jimmy Buffett: “Breathe in, breathe out, move on.”